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Pensées Nocturnes: Nom d'une pipes!

10/04/13 || Ironpants

Je ne sais pas?

I don’t get it? Is someone pulling a prank on me? I’ve been thinking lately about starting a one-man-band, with guest stars of course, because I don’t think I can pull it off completely by myself. I’ll let my dog join in on pan flute and one of the cats doing the drums. Then I’ll take a stroll down town, buy all the crack I can carry, sip a bottle of wine and then inject Stroh Rum directly in my veins. Then I’ll start producing quality material. Ok, I’m exaggerating, of course a dog can’t play pan flutes, but the cat can do at least the bass drums if I shove a vibrator up its colon and put him inside the bass drum.

This is the weirdest and strangest shit I’ve heard for, let’s say… 10 years, because that’s about how long I can try to remember without fall into a coma, and I guess it’s here somewhere GD writers earn their Purple Heart or get thrown in the lockup for not obeying orders. This must be dissected in a very delicate manner. And I’m not wearing protection…

Lets get one thing out of the system at once, this is a one man project (well, aren’t we special?) and my guess is that he is actually not a bad musician, he’s probably one hell of a guy at all instruments played. At least when thinking about how many different ones are included here. We have vocals, guitars, bass, trumpets, trombones, saxophone, animal skulls, goat testicles, accordions, pianos, flutes, inflatable boats, drums and fucking everything in between. The problem is that he’s completely out there and screaming out to be misunderstood on purpose, this guy wants you to think that this is the strangest shit you’ve ever heard. I fucken despise this kind of behavior! What happened to writing songs that you actually can dig, or at least appreciate for its beauty, brutality and/or skillful playing? If you are gifted with the skill to play and compose, play your shit proper!

When I do my research looking up this kid, I find that some of his older releases are actually appreciated… What the fuck? Or is it so, that he has released quite extraordinary music pieces before, and suddenly had a stroke, and now he is back to record new stuff, but not really fully recovered from the stroke? And no, I won’t check his back catalog because I’m afraid I will find it even worse, if it’s better – fine. It’s my own loss.

Somewhere on the way to musicianship, it struck Vaerohn that he must do something special to be recognized, but I am not sure that this is the right way to do it. Get a grip, man! This dude is from France, but I can’t even make up some witty one-liners about that fact without make myself appear as a prejudiced dickwad that got nothing else to do than sit and review music in my spare time…(moment of clarity appears).

The fact remains, though. He wants to combine French cabaret, classical music and march music with Scandinavian black metal music. Actually, the music sounds a bit like you’re piss drunk and starts to elaborate with cool circus music and black metal (because we all know that circuses are fun, beautiful and scary at the same time, with clowns, magicians, acrobats and shit and so is black metal. Maybe not fun, but evil, beautiful and dark). Together it should be superb right? I remember one time when I put garlic sauce on pancakes, each on their own are fantastic to some extent, but together it tasted like an old sock with bird crap on it.

First out, when you have never heard any of his work before, you think that the first track, “Il a mangé le soleil”, is some kind of intro that will shape up after a while and you will get some trve metal. But that’s not the case. Instead you get some mix between jazz, opera, classical, cabaret, march, and black metal anxiety combined in some big disharmonious stew. There isn’t one song on this album that even gets close to make me think “Hmmm, this was quite ok”, and that is pretty hard to do. In 9 songs, he completely fails to awaken some kind of acceptance in my quite easy-to-lure mind.

I can understand if there are some dudes that like this though, I guess this is the kind of music you would smack on when you want to appear as strange and unique? It’s the music equivalent of that person we all have in our circle of friends, you know the one that sits in the corner at parties, reading a book in Latin and answers everybody who talks to him with some strange quote. Like, – “Hey guys, did you hear about that crap on the news?”, – ”Yeah, I can’t believe it happened”. – ”What do you think Strange-Ed?” (5 second pause) – “Well, with society and its public, there is no longer any other language than that of bombs, barricades, and all that follows”. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then it’s probably you, and if so, maybe you should check this album out?

I guess in today’s standards, you’ll be alright, ‘cause no one buys records by random anymore. You listen to some stream and check out some lyric video online, or most probably download your shit illegally? But I can tell you this, if this was released when I was a kiddo, buying my albums very much by chance with my hard earned money, I would send this guy a turd in a package thanking him for a good job.

I’d rather smuggle heroin in used, broken condoms stuffed up my keister than listen to this again.

1,5

Information
Released: 2013
Label: Les Acteurs de l’Ombre Productions
Website: Pensées Nocturnes
Band
Vaerohn: vocals, all instruments

Tracklist
01. Il a mangé le soleil
02. Le marionnettiste
03. Les hommes á la moustache
04. Le berger
05. Le chimère
06. L’Androgyne
07. La sirène
08. Le choeur des valseurs
09. Bonne bièrre et bonne chièrre

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